Well, actually it was ALMOST a blind date. Here's the story.
Being single, you always hear, "Hey, I know someone I want you to meet". Now, in your twenties, that can still be intriguing. Thirties and forties? A nightmare. Well, a friend of mine knew a young lady he wanted me to call and he gave me her number. I called. She sounded very sweet and really cute. We must have talked a long time. We seemed to click very well. She attended a local college and had a good job. Why not?
So, I called her a few more times and I was very curious as to what she looked like. As for her personal life, well, she did have some issues but we all have them right? Actually, she had quite a few issues and the more we talked the more grim the situation became. I mean, I still liked her as a person but the prospect of their being anything between us romantically seemed very problematic.
So, in a desperate attempt to salvage the situation, I became very shallow and superficial. I said, " Hey I have an idea. I will mail you a picture of me and you mail me a picture of you". Pathetic. Smooth move Cialis.
She happily agreed, surprisingly. Well, a couple of days later I went out to the mailbox and opened up the pics I received in the mail. For a second, I just stared at them. Then, it hit me. "Oh God no! No!! What am I going to do now"!?! That poor girl was not the pick of the litter by any means. I can't say I was either but you have to find someone at least decent looking and that your attracted too right?.
Then I felt so bad. I was almost physically sick with utter disappointment, and now, I knew there was no way in a devils Hades I could call her back, and talk to her with a straight face. The trauma was just too great! I just sighed and shook my head. "Now she is going to think that because I didn't call her back I think she's......but it's true!! Oh God what am I going to do!?! Oh that poor girl! Why can't I be an insensitive jerk just for once??"
Well, it took a day or two to get over the utter shock and awe of the situation. Then, one evening, I went to work at the local pizza joint. It was a part time job. The night had been fairly busy, like any other night. But then it slowed down and I found myself folding pizza boxes. Then I heard our very friendly, sweet, lesbian manager say, "David, your up!"
I looked at the ticket as I picked up the pizza bag. Then, I froze in almost sheer panic. The last name on the ticket was the last name of the girl that my friend tried to hook me up with. "Oh god no I can't take this order! Please no! I can't go through with this! You don't understand! Out of all the addresses in this town!"
I could not deliver a pizza to this girls house. Heck no! I looked at the driver standing next to me. "Dexter please take this order. You have to please!"
He looked at the ticket and said almost immediately, "No way man! *&$# no! I'm not going there"!
I was puzzled, "Why not"? I asked.
"The last time I went there this big fat hairy guy came to the door in his underwear"!
God help me. Well, I had no choice. I had to swallow that grape flavored kool-aid and take that order to that house. When I knocked on the door, the young lady in question answered it. "Uh, that will be $18.75 ma'am." I said in my most redneck sounding, sling blade voice. I even had my Pizza Hut Hat pulled way down over my face. She gave me a twenty. I handed her the pizza. I doubt she even recognized me. What a disaster.
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