I heard someone say once that you should never regret any mistakes that you make in life. The reason is, because at that time, it was exactly what you wanted. I just wish that it were that easy...for me anyhow. Anyway, In this case her name was Rachael. I met Rachael in a different decade, a different state, and a different city. Since we went to the same church, shared close mutual friendships, went to the same singles class, (and we lived in the same apartment complex) so meeting this woman was almost not an option.
Anyhow, to make a long story short, and to avoid making the reader an unlicensed therapist, I moved on after that. Literally. I pulled up stakes and moved out of town just up the road about 25 miles where I stayed about eleven months I suppose. I reconnected with childhood friends, worked a full time job and made new friends. I lived in one of the nicest apartments in town. I also attended a decent church. It was truly a great time and I will never forget the people and friendships I made.
However, despite the fact this brief time period was a virtual "oasis" in my life, finances eventually convinced me to move to greener pastures. I found myself in the Atlanta metro area once again by the summer of 2001. I wasted little time. I got a full time job as a sales representative with great benefits that enabled me to travel a lot. I got heavily involved in the Atlanta music scene and I joined a new church and subsequently got involved in the music program there. The fact that I met a lot of new friends almost goes without saying. I even got back in touch with cousins, aunts, and uncles. By all intents and purposes Rachael was gone with the wind like Scarlett O'Hara and Tara Plantation. Banished forever in the wasteland of my past.
Then came that morning in September 2003 (or was it 2002)?
The annoying sound of my alarm clock FINALLY rattled me awake. It had been buzzing for nearly an hour and I knew now that I was going to be late for work. I almost never overslept this bad! It was 7:45 a.m. I frustratingly slammed down on the top of the alarm clock suddenly silencing it. Groggily and oh so reluctantly, I slithered out of bed. I called my job, told them I was running late, and got ready and headed out the door. "There goes my next raise." I mumbled out loud.
Morning rush hour was horrible and I got to work forty five minutes late. My supervisor wasn't pleased. So, I did the usual paperwork, ran out to the dock, loaded my truck, did more paperwork, and headed off towards I-85 as fast as I could. I was loaded down too. Those auto body parts were strapped down very tight........or so I thought. As soon as my tires left the exit onto I-85 it was pedal to the metal the whole way. However, it wasn't fifteen minutes into the trip that someone pulled up beside of me and yelled that a part had flown off my truck. I looked in my rear view mirror and sure enough there was a gaping opening where the net used to be strapped down. Man, that's never happened before!! I'm responsible for those parts and if I loose one; I PAY FOR IT OUT OF MY POCKET!! Written company policy! Just another headache.
I couldn't just stop and look on I-85, the second busiest interstate in Atlanta, for a missing auto body part. So, I had to take the nearest exit to turn around, go back, and hope I could find it or at least see it. Well, the nearest exit was Exit 111 to Lawrenceville-Suwanee Road in Suwanee, Ga. I was familiar with this ramp because I had customers off this road usually everyday. However, today I had none this far south. I came to a stop at the red light there atop the exit. I just sat there and I tell you, I was mad as h***. "I just can't afford to be buying auto body parts for my customers".
Well, as I sat there in that Ford F-150 flat bed something caught my eye off to my right. I turned slightly to my right to notice a small four door bluish grey car (possibly an Oldsmobile, Buick, or Pontiac but who really knows for sure.) come to a near sudden stop in the next lane right beside my truck. It came to such a stop that the little boy wearing a little baseball cap in the front seat nearly lurched forward and his mother reached out with her right arm to keep him from hurting himself. I glanced the car over momentarily. The car had to be more than a few years old with a lot of miles on it. The back seat was full of blankets, pillows, and other luggage and the license plate was registered in South Carolina.
'That poor woman from South Carolina must feel totally out of her element in this big city. Especially, being all alone with her little son', I thought. Very quickly my mind went to a time when I was that little boy and that woman was my mother. My dad was gone a lot being a traveling evangelist for the Church of God in Cleveland, Tennessee and mom and I would travel from Cleveland, to Jonesboro, Ga. to see her folks there. Many times we were all alone out on the road together just like this woman and her son were now. I couldn't help but feel for them both.
I glanced away momentarily but as I looked back in that direction I caught a glimpse of the woman's face. Her eyes were wide with apparent apprehension and both her hands were firmly gripped to the steering wheel. She was looking quickly back and forth across a busy intersection that, to her, I'm sure looked just a tad bit treacherous. When she looked toward my direction I noticed her eyes, and her hair. Then it hit me....HARD! What the h***"?!? I was absolutely stunned by what I saw. What were the odds? I almost couldn't believe my eyes but I didn't have much of a choice.
It was Rachael! I was positive of it! I'd know her face anywhere. How? What? I would have called to her but both our windows were rolled up. She looked a little more mature, but not by much and despite the fact my intellectual side kept telling me that it was all too wild and bizarre a coincidence to be true, and that I was just imagining the whole thing..... my heart said otherwise. Gone was the sporty black convertible she used to drive as well as the fashionable sunglasses. Now, she strongly resembled a struggling young everyday mother with her son trying to make ends meet by doing with less. I couldn't help but feel a twinge of empathy. She also had a slight look of desperation of her face. Now, she and her little son (about five or so) were both two strangers all alone in a big city just passing through. I suddenly found myself empathizing with someone I knew rather than just a total stranger. Suddenly, and almost in the blink of an eye, the situation took on a whole new meaning.
The light suddenly turned green and surprisingly, instead of going across the intersection and back onto the interstate, she took a left as I had too as well. I drove right behind her car trying not to follow too closely and hoping that she wouldn't look in her rear view mirror and recognize me. We drove all the way over the overpass. Then, it was decision time! The next left was approaching. I noticed she suddenly pulled into a gas station parking lot. Should I follow her in and offer to buy her some gas? Should I offer to treat her and her little son to a nice breakfast at that Cracker Barrel just down the road? I would have loved to do that! It most certainly was in my nature to do those things. And even God Himself knows, under most circumstances, I would have given her every dollar in my wallet and the jacket I was wearing if she needed it.
It's a very complicated story. However, as agonizing as it was, and as conflicted and as torn as I was about what to do, (Call it instinct, intuition....or past experience) I honestly came to the conclusion that Rachael probably wouldn't want to see me. I made my decision and hung a sharp left. As I accelerated down the ramp onto I-85 south to look for that part, I had this foreboding feeling I had just blown a major opportunity to make things right.
I just had trouble grasping the fact of what just happened and who I just saw. I might have well had just seen a ghost or been abducted by aliens. Needless to say I couldn't find that part that flew off my truck. But the reality, and the gravity, of the situation began to set in very heavily. Had I not been late for work that morning, (which seldom happened) and had that part not flown off my truck (which never happened), at that particular spot on that extremely busy interstate traveled by many thousands of people from all over the country in a single day: I would have had no reason to ramp off the highway onto that exit and wait at that light. I would have never seen Rachael on top of that ramp at that exact time and place just for those few moments.
And the Lord only knows why she ramped off the interstate when she did at that exact moment, place, and time as well. I asked an administrator/counselor friend of mine at Precept Ministries one time, (after relating this whole drama to him) if the chances of seeing Rachael on the Exit 111 ramp or an alien abduction were greater? We both jokingly concluded that an alien abduction was more probable.
Anyhow, I proceeded north once again only to realize that the auto body part I searched for was gone for good. As I came again to Exit 111 I, once again, took that exit just to see if Rachael was still at that station. I got to the top of the ramp, looked to my left and noticed....her car was gone. Oh well. Like Scarlet O'Hara and Tara Plantation; Gone With The Wind once again. As I proceeded north it began to dawn on me that with the Lord, who is all knowing and all sovereign, there are no such things as chance or "odds".
So I began to pray aloud asking God what was going on. Why did he allow me to see her at the top of that ramp? Was she in trouble? Did she need anything? Did she need help? Did the Lord present an opportunity for me to help her out and I just blow it? Why did the Lord allow me to meet her at all? What was the point or the purpose of all this anyhow?
I was confused and completely out of answers. But I guess that's right where the Lord wanted me I suppose. As I continued northward on I-85 I continued to ask the Lord similar questions. "Lord, if you spoke to me audibly about this right here and now; what would you say? I would really like to know".
Then, as I continued to ask the Lord the same questions over again, a song by the popular band Mercy Me, off the album "Spoken For" (INO records 10/02) came on the local Christian radio station and it really got my attention. It was a soft ballad with just piano for a few bars in the intro. The soothing piano and stringed instruments really accompanied the beautiful Braselton, Georgia scenery (near Chateau Elan) with all the vineyards, green rolling hills, and pine trees. It also reflected my extremely contemplative mood. The song was, "Word of God Speak" and the words went like this:
I'm finding myself at a loss for words And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard But to hear what You would say
"Word of God speak Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see Your majesty
To be still and know That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest In Your holiness
Word of God speak....."
I was floored, flummoxed, or bamboozled. There was hardly a word to describe how I felt. I just remember that the whole time I felt as if I had gone to work in The Twilight Zone. Then, as I pulled up to the warehouse that evening another reality hit. Now, I had to go tell my supervisor I had lost an after market grille for a 2002 Jeep Grand Cherokee. This would not be cheap!. I just knew it!
As I told my boss that I lost the part I expected him to tell me to go see the accountant to make financial/compensatory arrangements. That's what always happened when other drivers lost merchandise. Always. Instead, he just looked at me and said, "Don't worry about it. We'll eat it this time". I about fell out in the floor like someone at a miracle crusade! That WAS a miracle!!
Several years later I still wonder as to why I met that precious young lady at all. It obviously wasn't for reasons that I so wrongly assumed. I guess, as Kidd Rock said, "Only God Knows Why". Even now I try to rationalize the situation and tell myself that it was all happenstance and random chance. Sheryl Crow put out a song not too long ago called, "My favorite mistake". If I didn't believe in the sovereignty of God and His control over the lives of those who love Him, I would definitely label Rachael as my favorite mistake and chalk this whole thing up to karma (the eastern law of fate) and bizarre coincidence.
However, with the Lord being all knowing and all seeing, and in the much broader perspective; there are no real mistakes. God knew that everything would happen the way it did the day he brought her into my life those years ago.
I know as a Christian I am to be the salt of the earth, a light to the world, as well as an encourager to those believers who need it. With Rachael, personally; I seriously doubt if I was any of those things. Only the Lord knows for sure. I just know that God can take our mistakes, and our blunders, and use them to affect the lives of others in ways we may never conceive or understand until, "When we all get to heaven" as the old hymnal goes.
"For God causes all things to work together for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
"It is true that a fellow cannot ignore women - but he can think of them as he ought - as sisters, not as sparring partners." Jim Elliot
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